Request Newsletter | Bridal Online Website | Return To Main Page
| |
| |
|
Marriage & Wedding Information |
|
|
|
Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex
It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that's your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you. Of course, I'm writing this article "tongue in cheek" to make a point. But I can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That's because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure. So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be "turn offs" to your spouse. In quote marks is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), I've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning. 1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex-the same time and same place every week. "That way, you don't have to wonder when you'll have sex-Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom-just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?" (How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.) 2. Follow exactly the same "plays" and "moves" each time. "This way you both know what to expect each time. It's just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it's not really necessary, is it?" (Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex). 3. Drink a lot first so that you're loosened up. "If your mate doesn't like the smell or wishes you wouldn't drink so much before sex, it's just too bad. You can't let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?" (Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.) 4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex. "Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you're ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?" (Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.) 5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you're married. "Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn't this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?" (When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.) 6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says "okay." "If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn't really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?" (Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.) 7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately. "It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can't afford to waste time." (The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.) 8. Criticize your spouse's sexual performance. "After all, you're only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It's not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique." (You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.) 9. Criticize your spouse's physical appearance. "If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you're doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It'll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run." (The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.) 10. Answer your cell phone during sex. "You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what's the big deal? It's not like you'll never have sex again. You've been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?" (Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.) 11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you're satisfied. "Don't ask your partner if there's anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything's okay unless your mate says something." (If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.) 12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards. "The faster you get finished, the faster you'll be able to get to sleep. There's no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast." (Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.) Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
MORE RESOURCES:
Wedding - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Replacing Your Lost Wedding Ring Imagine it's Halloween evening and you've just gone to the door to greet another eager child with your big bag of trick-or-treat candy. You look down at the grinning costumed child with a smile and share some kind words as you throw a generous handful of tasty treats into his bag. Reduce Marriage Problems: Go and Wake Up Your Luck At one time or another, most of us have had daydreams about winning the lottery, achieving great fame, or having the perfect partner and living happily ever after. We usually visualize our imagined future good luck as something that will unexpectedly "come out of the blue" and surprise us. Honeymoon Vacation Ideas can be Economical If you are looking for honeymoon vacation ideas that will be the most enjoyable without putting you into massive debt, consider some of these tips.The purpose of the honeymoon vacation is only minimally to live for a few days like extravagant royalty. Las Vegas Helicopter Weddings If you've always dreamed of flying in a helicopter, Las Vegas helicopter weddings are your chance to incorporate that dream into your wedding plans. You may think of your helicopter as mere transportation, taking you from one location in and around Las Vegas to another or you may plan your entire wedding inside the helicopter while you are up in the air, or on the way to the location of your choice. Selecting Your Wedding Centerpieces Wedding centerpieces help tie together the look of your entire table setting. The wedding centerpieces will affect the linens you choose, the size of the tables and even the number of guests you seat on each table. How to Choose Your Wedding Shoes Wedding day is known as the most unforgettable day in human life. Most women wish that day could be perfect and hoping nothing would go wrong. Wedding Frames - Are Your Wedding Photographs Safe? One of the top priorities on a wedding day is to make sure every moment is captured with great photographs. These once-in-a-lifetime memories are irreplaceable and making sure these photographs are properly stored and displayed after the wedding should be just as important. Should You Send Save the Date Notices To Your Guests? You've probably heard about Save the Dates since they have become quite popular with brides but you might not know exactly what purpose they serve.People's lives are getting increasingly busier and more tightly scheduled so that's where Save the Date announcements come in handy. Focus On What Is Important - Your Wedding Disc Jockey Choice Your true love got down on his knees and asked you to marry him. Barely able to get the words out, you say "I Will". Dallas Wedding Receptions The most important day of your life is drawing near and you want to plan it to perfection. Everything has to be just right, the chapel, the dresses, the food and most importantly the wedding reception. How To Survive Your Honeymoon Once you've mortgaged the rest of your life for the dress and the ceremony, made all sorts of promises in front of everyone you know and danced with your long-lost fifth cousin twice removed, you deserve a little time off to recuperate. It's called a honeymoon. The History of Engagement Rings and Wedding Bands These days, many people take wedding bands and engagement rings for granted, and although they give these beautiful items of jewellery with integrity and love, they are often given with no real knowledge of the meaning behind them.Both wedding bands and engagement rings are very special items of jewellery; in fact, they are more than just jewellery - they are the symbols of many emotions and promises such as:LoveCommitmentFidelityEternityHonour But where - and why - did these popular and sentimental pieces of jewellery stem from?The History Of Wedding BandsThese items of jewellery have a history that spans many centuries and passes through many countries from all around the planet. Improve Your Marriage With Better Communication Communication plays one of the most important roles in any type of relationship whether a professional association or a more intimate bond such as marriage. Many of these relationships don't develop into their full potential because the communication link is missing or weak. The Brides Greatest Ally On Friday, 1st May 1835, Mr Charles Dickens, the creator of "David Copperfield" and "Please, sir, can I have some more?" was the happiest of mortals. He had proposed and had been accepted. Wedding Flowers - What Every Bride Should Know before Her Big Day Whether your wedding will be coming up roses, daffodils, or something else, choosing the wrong flowers for that blissful day can create a scene you'll want to soon forget. But armed with a few basics about flowers, the arrangements you choose will land you a bevy of compliments and queries. The Bridezilla Syndrome: Do You Have It? Ten Ways to Avoid All the BS! In a fast-paced world of wedding planning, stress levels are high; immune systems are low; and over the course of the past 20 years, brides have transmitted, what has become a bridal epidemic of our time.The number of victims has steadily increased; and to date, there is no cure. How To Keep Love Growing Through All The Ups And Downs The relationship expert on i.village. Ten Beliefs That Can Contribute to an Unhappy Marriage Have you ever wondered why your marriage isn't happier? If so, you're not alone. Numerous spouses are struggling with the same question. Wonderful White Gold Wedding Rings The elegant and sophisticated look of glittering, gleaming gold. There's nothing quite like it. 10 Ideas for Perfect Wedding Gifts Wedding ceremonies are the stuff fairy tales are made of. Marriages are made in heaven, it is said.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
