Request Newsletter | Bridal Online Website | Return To Main Page
| |
| |
|
Marriage & Wedding Information |
|
|
|
Marriage Counseling: What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband? Part Two
In Part One, we looked at what wives really want in a husband and we identified two things in particular. Wives want a soulmate who they feel deeply connected to and they want emotional support and emotional intimacy. This means that they want a husband who will talk about his feelings and who values having an emotional connection. So what's a husband who has neglected this important area of marriage to do? The first thing is to understand the necessity of emotional intimacy in a happy marriage. The second thing is to take action. The following steps are often presented in marriage counseling sessions and will help in making a beginning: 1. Set a time with your spouse when you can talk and process the day's events. Some days, you might only need ten or fifteen minutes to keep your emotional connection strong. On other days, you may have more to share and reflect on. During this time with your spouse, make a real effort to share your feelings. When your wife talks, concentrate and listen to her. Listen to the feelings that are beneath the words she is saying. If you're not sure of something, check it out by asking a question. So that you can give your spouse your full attention, turn off the TV, radio, and CD player during your time together. Take the phone off the hook and try to have uninterrupted time, if possible. Communicate by your words and your actions that you value this special time with your wife, and protect it from intrusions. 2. Push yourself past your comfort zone in making an effort to really share your feelings, problems, and concerns. I have known husbands who didn't share important happenings in their life because they didn't want to worry their wives. They didn't realize how left out and unnecessary their wife was going to feel when she found out later. A common reaction is for a wife to feel that her husband doesn't really "need" her if he doesn't confide in her. Wives can feel very hurt and rejected when a husband doesn't share his feelings, challenges, hurts, and unresolved problems. And if you bury your feelings of anger or resentment toward your wife about something that has happened, just because you feel uncomfortable having to express these feelings, you are setting the stage for bigger problems later on. If you're upset, state what you're feeling and why. Talk about the situation, look for a solution that's a win-win one for your marriage, and then let it go. 3. Watch your natural tendency to want to offer solutions prematurely when your wife brings up a decision she is wrestling with. Most men like to solve problems, and they also like to be helpful to their wives. So a husband's first reaction to hearing about a problem his wife is having is to want to offer a solution immediately. This often irritates the wife, much to the surprise of the husband. His agenda is to solve the problem quickly and get it over with. Her agenda is to discuss the situation and process it with her husband. She doesn't necessarily want him to tell her what to do-she wants his listening ear. When a husband really understands this gender-based difference, he realizes that he doesn't have to feel pressure to solve his wife's problems. He just needs to listen and be supportive as she talks about them. 4. If you're experiencing continuing difficulty with expressing your feelings or handling negative emotions, consider working with a counselor to improve your skills. You might participate in some individual sessions as well as some joint marriage counseling sessions with your wife. You might also experiment with writing your feelings in a notebook, working on capturing just the emotion you're feeling when situations occur. You could write a letter to your spouse stating your feelings if you're having difficulty expressing them verbally. Writing allows you to take your time and to be sure you're communicating exactly what you want to say in the best possible way. 5. Remember that most change occurs when you make a number of small steps in a new direction. You won't change overnight, but if you consistently keep trying to improve, your actions can have a significant impact on the quality of your marriage. And most wives don't expect their husband to change radically in a short time; they just want to see that he's at least making an effort to meet more of their emotional needs. I have seen small actions on the part of a husband save a marriage. Wives want to know that their husbands care about them, that they value them, and that they want to be emotionally supportive. And they want to see the actions that accompany this: a real concern for their feelings, a desire to share intimate details of their life, and the motivation to connect daily on an emotional level. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of the book Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
MORE RESOURCES:
Wedding - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Signature Frames - Your Guestbook and Wedding Frame Together At Last! So you have been invited to a wedding. Whether you are a friend, family member or the proud parents, one of the most important, if not stressful decisions is what to buy the new couple. How to Choose a Marriage Counselor You have made the decision to contact a marriage counselor. The next question is "How to choose the right marriage counselor?" The success of your counseling experience will relate directly to your compatibility with your counselor. Diamond Wedding Rings - The Things to Look For There is a huge array of diamond wedding rings available today, and choosing the one that will be with you for a lifetime is a serious affair. Not only are there aesthetic factors to bear in mind, your diamond wedding ring holds also a deeper significance. Cheap Wedding Party Gifts Thanking your wedding party with special gifts is a favored tradition. Depending on the size of your wedding party it can be an expensive one as well. The Bridezilla Syndrome: Do You Have It? Ten Ways to Avoid All the BS! In a fast-paced world of wedding planning, stress levels are high; immune systems are low; and over the course of the past 20 years, brides have transmitted, what has become a bridal epidemic of our time.The number of victims has steadily increased; and to date, there is no cure. Anniversary Gifts and Perfumes How many times has your anniversary come around and you quickly rush out to buy something, anything from a myriad of anniversary gifts and perfumes available.Everyone has probably been there, waiting until the last minute and then feeling a little guilty because the gift didn't quite say what you wanted it to say. How to Write a Love Letter Let's talk about writing love letters.Not candy coated pap. A Wedding Shower Checklist Bridal showers are one of many pre-wedding parties and are great fun. They are known as parties with a purpose. Balance - Wedding Budget Blues Let's think about what goes into your wedding budget. Your caterer/banquet facility will get the lion's share of it. Wedding Videography - When Getting it Right on the 1st Take Counts, Hire a Professional Getting married is one of the most stressful events anyone will ever endure. So many details and preparations go into the making of a successful wedding. Get The Bling Without The Sting - Affordable Engagement Rings Just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean you can't find an affordable engagement ring that looks like it cost a fortune.Tips on getting more diamond for your dollar when choosing an affordable engagement ring. Bridal Hair Stylist Goes Above and Beyond the Call of Duty You are locked in your seat on the most famous roller coaster in the world, the Cyclone in Brooklyn, New York. Your fiancé is right next to you, both of you dressed in wedding attire. Basic Tips for Planning a Wedding Planning a wedding should be fun and exciting. However, if you don't do the proper research and stay within your budget things can go bad in a hurry. Searching For A Discount Mother Of The Bride Dress You can look fabulous at your daughter's wedding in a discount mother of the bride dress. There's no need to spend a lot of money on an expensive dress if you don't have to. Unique Beach Wedding Receptions The most unique beach wedding reception ideas are sparked by imagination not tradition.Never mind etiquette, tradition and timelines. Wedding Invitation Tips and Advice You're well into planning your wedding and have finally decided on the design of your wedding invitation. The wording has been chosen and the guest list is well on its way to completion. Maid of Honor Duties Being chosen as a maid of honor is a great privilege, but it also requires a large number of responsibilities in the wedding planning process. The maid of honor will likely be spending a great deal of time with the best man, since their duties are often the same and require them to work hand-in-hand in order for the wedding to be a success. Honeymooning on the Waves Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the ultimate romantic date. You can't be much more together alone than when you're separated from the rest of the world by sheets and sheets of water. A Call for International Marriage Laws I recently watched a CNN programme which centred on "kidnapped daughters" (from multicultural marriages) who were unwillingly given away in marriages in Islamic states by their fathers. Usually, the fathers were from these Islamic states. Wedding Invitatation RSVP Cards When it comes to response/RSVP cards, the goal is to get a response. Whether selecting a card with a self-addressed, either by hand or computer printed labels, and pre-stamped envelope or an economic post card with your address on one side and the guest response on the other, do what works best for you.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
